Annoying the Espada for Dummies
by I.LoVe.GrImMjOw
Summary: New version of How to Annoy the Espada. Gin decides to find out what annoys the Espada the most,and use that against them. Gin's POV. Enjoy and please review!
1. Prologue

_**Tora-chan: Hey! I decided to rewrite How to Annoy the Espada, and here it is. I'll turn the disclaimers over to Grimmjow.**_

_**Grimmjow: ... I don't want to be here...**_

_**Tora-chan: Shut it and disclaim kitty, or i'm taking your yarn away.**_

_**Grimmjow: Not the yarn! Tite Kubo and all Bleach fans should be happy that this crazed lunatic does not own Bleach. I'd be wearing a dress in a second.**_

_**Tora-chan: Less than a second. Most fans would like to see you in a dress Grimmy...**_

_**Grimmjow: Please review. Please? Reviews make her happy, and less likely to put me in a dress.**_

_**Tora-chan: Enjoy! Ideas of how to torture the Espada are welcome. **_

Gin was bored. Really bored. Life in Las Noches was becoming dull and extremely boring. Gin was running out of victims. The Espada already knew not to trust him, and had warned their fraccion. So, Gin had decided to do some research and find out what annoyed each of the Espada, and use it against them. Gin pulled out a journal to record his findings. His smile increased as he wrote Day One: Starrk.

_**Tora-chan: Just a prologue, more coming. Please review! Let me know if you want Grimmy in a dress.**_

_**Grimmjow: God no! Please? Have some humanity!**_

_**Tora-chan: Grimmjow, you're a hollow. You have no trace of humanity.**_

_**Grimmjow: So? I am NOT wearing a dress!**_

_**Tora-chan: We'll see... **_


	2. Starrk: part 1

_**Tora-chan: Hi. I think i'm going to use some ideas from How to Annoy the Espada. I'm going to break them up in parts. Disclaimer please, Grimmjow!**_

_**Grimmjow: She doesn't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does, blah blah blah.**_

_**Tora-chan : Grimmjow, I have a dress being custom-made, i've had many wonderful suggestions... *smiles evilly***_

_**Grimmjow: Please Review! If you like me at all, please review!**_

_**Tora-chan: Good kitty. Gin smiley face cookies to **__**Zero Kurosaki**__**, **__**Somerlia**__**, **__**Grimmjow's Girl, seireitei reject,**__** and **__**starlessnight777**__** for reviewing.**_

There was an early meeting today. That would be the perfect place to begin the assault on Starrk.

Gin got to the meeting room early, so he would have time to plot. "Hello Gin!" Aizen said, flashing a smile as fake as Justin Bieber's voice. "Since you are early, you can help me organize this paperwork. Get one form of each for each Espada, and write their names on it."

"Yes Aizen-sama." Gin replied. He wondered if Starrk would be affected if Gin spelled his name wrong. It wasn't the most effective idea, but Gin didn't want Starrk to catch on before he could have his fun. Gin decided that the easiest way was to remove one r. Writing Stark instead of Starrk wouldn't be too noticeable. Gin smiled a tiny bit larger as he began to go through the paperwork.

Gin was finished before anyone else arrived, so after he had set out the paperwork, Aizen had him collect everyone while he made some tea. "Most of them are probably sleeping. Ulquiorra is in the kitchen, preparing snacks and refreshments. I hope Tousen didn't get lost in his room again." Aizen said. "Aizen-sama," Gin sighed. He was tired of tea. "Do we 'ave ta drink tea Aizen-sama? I dun like it and none of da Espada do." Aizen sighed. "Gin, you and your Espada brothers are too young to understand the true power of tea." Confused, Gin decided to just walk away, and collect everyone.

The best method, Gin thought, would be to walk around banging a pan and yelling for everyone. So, that's exactly what he did. "Get up ya sleepyheads" Gin yelled. "Shut the hell up Gin." Nnoitra and Grimmjow both shouted. "Have some respect for your elders." Barragan yelled. "I'm coming, just finishing up a dissection. " Szayel answered. Gin continued to yell as he walked by the other room. "Get u-" Gin started to yell, but was soon interrupted by Tia. "I'm coming." She said, pushing past Gin.

Gin then walked into Starrk's room. He had saved this one for last on purpose. Starrk was so deeply asleep that Gin thought he was dead, until he heard snoring. "Starrk," Gin whispered into Starrk's ear, "Are you sleeping?" He showed no sign of hearing Gin at all, so Gin decided to use a more effective way of waking him up. "STARRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK," Gin screamed at the top of his lungs, "ARE YOU SLEEPINGGGGGG?" Starrk jumped up right away and banged his head on the wall. "Holy shit Gin!" Starrk yelled. Gin smiled and said at a normal tone without even a slight accent, "Aizen-sama has called a meeting." He then turned around and walked away.

At the meeting Aizen began going on and on about the importance of the brotherhood of all the espada. "...think of the precious moments together." Aizen continued. Everyone was trying not to laugh, thinking not of the nonexistent "precious moments" that Aizen was going on about, but all the horrible things they had done to each other. Gin had the longest list.

5 hours later, Aizen had finally finished, leaving the Espada with no idea what he had just talked about. "Collect your paperwork, then you may go," Aizen smiled and left the meeting room.

"Uh, Gin," Starrk started, "Why did you spell my name with only one r? You know it's spelled Starrk, right?" Gin frowned deeply, which scared everyone in the room. "Damn, he's frowning! He never frowns! I'm out of here!" Grimmjow yelled running out.

Gin then opened his eyes, and gave Starrk a glare that Byakuya would be jealous of. "I wrote it dat way 'cause I likes it dat way. You gotta problem wid dat? Then deal wid it!" Gin screamed like a 5 year old girl. He turned around and walked away, leaving a shocked Starrk. As soon he was away from Starrk, a grin cracked on his face. He broke into hysterical giggles like a mental patient. "This is going to be more fun than I thought!" he whispered to himself.

From a distance, Tousen heard Gin breaking down in giggling and whispering to himself. He sighed. "Looks like Gin needs a new therapist."

_**Tora-chan: Part 2 hopefully coming soon! Review would be great. I'm planning on setting up a poll to vote on Grimmjow's potential dress...**_

_**Grimmjow: But, you said if i was a good prisoner I won't have to wear the dress!**_

_**Tora-chan: You aren't being good *smacks on the head with random heavy object coming out of nowhere***_

_**Grimmjow: Oww! What was that for?**_

_**Tora-chan: I felt like it. Remember, the more reviews, the harder i'll work on updating as soon as possible!**_


	3. Starrk: part 2

_**Tora-chan: Hello again! I think that i'm going to end Starrk's torture in this chapter. I'm don't think that i'm going to post a chapter on Lilynette, I might do a side chapter or story with the Espada's fraccion if anyone wants me to. Grimmjow made me mad, and I had to break him, so here's Ulquiorra with the disclaimer:**_

_**Ulquiorra: Tora-chan does not own any part of Bleach. **_

_**Tora-chan: I've taught you well... anyways, please review, and join the dark side, we have cookies [or we will after I have Ulquiorra make some]! Magical floating glow in the dark pillows go to **__**Grimmjow's Girl**__**, **__**Grimmjow Fangirl 4 Life**__**, **__**Somerlia**__**, and **__**starlessnight777**__** for reviewing! If I missed you, i'll add you next update. Enjoy!**_

"Operation grand pillow theft commence!" Gin whispered. He snuck into Starrk's room, hearing only snoring. Quietly and carefully, he removed every pillow in the room, including the one Starrk's head was lying on, which was kind of hard. "Whatcha doing Gin?" Lilynette asked. "Nothing. Nothing at all," Gin tossed her a bag of candy. "Right?" Lilynette eyed the candy, then nodded. "I didn't see anything." She responded. Then Gin locked the door behind her when she turned around.

This of course was part of the plan, Gin didn't think Starrk would appreciate being locked in his room with a sugar-high Lilynette. Starrk didn't realize how much work Gin had put into this, and how late he had stayed up to put the final touchs on his plans. That was probably why Aizen felt the need to make his ridiculously long speechs, but then again, Aizen was bat-shit crazy and had a superiority complex.

Gin had decided that the perfect place to hide the pillows would be in Ulquiorra's room. The poor espada didn't even have time to ever use his room, it was covered with layers of dust and objects looking suspiciously like dismembered body parts, suggesting that it had taking Ulquiorra a little time to perfect his flesh regeneration. Gin stuck the pillows in Ulquiorra's wide empty closet [that is, empty except for dust, cobwebs, and dead things]. He walked away towards Starrk's room to inspect the damage.

Gin wasn't even half-way there when he heard Starrk yelling, "Lilynette, NO! Put those matches down! No! Do not set the gasoline on fire! I don't care if you think fire is pretty!" Gin stood there for a moment, deciding whether or not to interfere. He decided that he couldn't let Lilynette kill herself and Starrk, but he could have some more fun. "What's going on in dere!" Gin yelled. "Lilynette is crazy! She's trying to-" Starrk's voice was cut off as the sound of a baseball bat hitting something rang through the hall. "Nothing's going on in here, nothing!" Lilynette giggled insanely. "Starrk is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeping! I didn't knock him out with a baseball bat! That would be crazy! I'm just lighting the fireplace!"

"Okay! 'Ave fun!" Gin called back. Then he froze. Starrk didn't have a fireplace in his room. "Wait Lilynette!" Gin called out. He heard more giggling. Then, the hallway exploded.

Gin groaned, getting up from the debris covered hallway and the huge hole in Starrk's room. Aizen was going to be bitching about this for months.. "I guess I gotta check on Starrk an' Lilynette." He grumbled. Lilynette and Starrk were fine. The room had exploded in the opposite direction, away from them. Lilynette had reached the top of her sugar rush, and had hit rock-bottom. She was dead asleep, holding matches and a baseball bat, which was split into two down the middle, in her hands. Starks was out cold, with a huge bump on his head and sawdust in his hair that suspiciously matched the broken baseball bat.

Gin grinned one of his largest, and creepiest smiles ever that would scare every mother with small children in the world. This had been sooooooooo worth it. "Gin!" Aizen said furiously. "What is the meaning of this mess?" Gin saw the look in Aizen's eyes and sighed. Cool and collected Aizen had checked out of the building. In his place, was diva Aizen. This was going to be interesting...

_**Tora-chan: Done with Starrk! Moving on to Barragan and hopefully updating soon. I'm proud of myself for not procrastinating with this chapter.**_

_**Ulquiorra: Torture Barragan! Make him cry! Make him sob!**_

_**Tora-chan: You okay Ulqui? You're acting kind of weird. You're actually showing emotion! You don't like Barragan?**_

_**Ulquiorra: I hate that damn bastard.**_

_**Nnoitra: Hey!**_

_**Tora-chan: Why are you here Nnoitra?**_

_**Nnoitra: To tell all you losers to review!**_

_**Tora-chan: We are not losers! We are anime lovers!**_

_**Nnoitra: Same difference. Anyways, I also wanted to tell you why Ulquiorra's acting so weird.**_

_**Tora-chan: And why is that?**_

_**Nnoitra: I spiked his tea. Strong.**_

_**Ulquiorra: That was goooooood tea. I gave some to Aizen too, but he passed out and stopped breathing, so I kicked him until he started breathing again.**_

_**Tora-chan: How strong?**_

_**Nnoitra: I don't really know. I just mixed in as much crap as I could.**_

_**Tora-chan: Gotta go now and deal with a high Ulquiorra!**_

_**Ulquiorra: REVIEW! Or else!**_

_**Nnoitra: I know where you all live and you know it!**_

_**Tora-chan: Don't threaten the readers! *points gun* You better all review! **_


	4. Barragan: part 1

_**Tora-chan: Hello again. I am guilty of procrastinating, sorry! I've been pretty busy lately, but that's no excuse! This begins Barragan's torture. Grimmjow is still unable to declaim, and Ulquiorra completely crashed after Nnoitra got him high, so seeing that this is all his fault, Nnoitra has to disclaim for me.**_

_**Nnoitra: I said I was sorry, I thought he'd react better than that! This is a waste of time, I could be fighting Neliel...**_

_**Tora-chan: Get to the point, spoon head**_

_**Nnoitra: Shut up! It's a round hood! They are very fashionable in  
Hueco Mundo. This obsessive, insane freak does not own Bleach, thank god.**_

_**Aizen: *poofs out of nowhere* Why you are very welcome Nnoitra. *disappears***_

_**Nnoitra: GET BACK HERE! YOU ARE NOT GOD AIZEN, YOU CRAZY TEA WORSHIPPING FREAK!**_

_**Tora-chan: ...**_

_**Please review, to keep my sanity. Please. **_

Gin had gotten in a lot of trouble over the whole explosion issue. Starrk and Lilynette were both still out of commission, causing Aizen to become paranoid, claiming that the Kurosaki kid and his friends could overtake them now. Gin didn't know why Aizen was so concerned about Strawberry. He was a creepy kid.

Overall, the whole thing had been worth it. He had already planned most of Barragan's torture and could start at any time. He was just waiting for an opening.

This came at the next meeting. The espada were a little jumpy around him, having seen the damage he could cause. Gin would have to proceed carefully. "Greetings, your majesty," Gin called to Barragan as he entered. Barragan nodded approvingly, "Finally, some respect," he muttered.

Gin looked at Barragan's crown the whole meeting. He never seemed to take it off. Gin wanted to steal that crown pretty badly. He would have to do while Barragan is sleeping. Plans started forming in his head. Gin continued plotting as Aizen went on and on about his plans to become a god, the downfall of the soul society, etc.

His usual speech always at least of 2 hours long that occurred at the beginning of every meeting to "refresh" everyone's memory. Aizen seemed to believe that all the espada had short-term memory, and repeated almost everything he said. "Everyone understand?" Aizen asked, breaking Gin's concentration. Here it comes, Gin thought. "Everyone understand?" Aizen repeated even though everyone present had answered. "Yes," the espada answered again. "NO!" Nnoitra yelled. "Meeting dismissed," Aizen replied, seeming to smile but glare at Nnoitra at the same time.

Gin found help finalizing his plans from the two most unlikely sources: Grimmjow and Nnoitra. He had happened to overhear a conversation of theirs about Barragan.

"I hate that goddamn bag of dust," Grimmjow muttered.

"True dat," Nnoitra started, to be interrupted by Grimmjow.

"Double true!" Grimmjow yelled.

Nnoitra grinned. "Not bad. I'm proud. But back to oldie, did you see how pissed he got when I touched that ugly crown? He only takes the thing off on Aizen's birthday to show "respect, "though he's probably forced to."

"Yeah," Grimmjow started, "The things like his child. I will never forget when a walked in on the freak singing to it while dusting it."

"What was he singing?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Come on, what was it?"

"You are My Sunshine." Grimmjow muttered.

"Oh god," Nnoitra shuddered.

"That's not the worst part. Then he started singing some song called Baby by that little monster."

"What little monster?"

"He can't be named."

"Oh, Justin Bieber?"

"Damn it Nnoitra, you said it!"

"Oh calm down you sissy. We both know that it isn't exactly normal to check under your bed every night for Justin Bieber Grimmjow," Nnoitra sighed.

"I told you not to talk about that!" Grimmjow argued. "It's very private."

"Okay, okay." Nnoitra attempted to calm Grimmjow. "I'm going to a bar, wanna come?"

"Hell yes!" Grimmjow responded, "Let's go."

They walked away, leaving Gin with some very crucial information, along with something that he could hold against Grimmjow. Their conversation also reminded Gin that Aizen's birthday, the easiest day to steal Barragan's crown was coming in less than three days.

_**Tora-chan: Shorter chapter so I can get something out on Fanfiction. And yes, for those concerned, I will continue to insult Justin Bieber.**_

_**Nnoitra: Still here. Wasting my precious time. Can I go know? I left Grimmjow at that bar, and you know the damage he could do.**_

_**Tora-chan: You need to encourage reviewing.**_

_**Nnoitra: Oy, Telsa! Get over here!"**_

_**Telsa: But sir, i'm still ironing your clothes.**_

_**Nnoitra: Well then you should be DONE already. Damn it, I said get over here!**_

_**Telsa: Yes sir. *sonidos over here***_

_**Nnoitra: Later suckers!**_

_**Tora-chan: Hey get back here! Damn. He's gone. **_

_***Awkward silence.***_

_**Telsa: So...**_

_**Tora-chan: Just give 'em Nnoitra's message.**_

_**Telsa: I can't repeat what he's written down, so i'll use my own words. Please review readers, you are very important to us. Also , thanks to **__**Somerlia**__**, **__**Icy Fae Tears**__**, and **__**Grimmjows's Girl**__** for posting reviews about our previous chapter. I apologize if anyone was missed. **_

_**Tora-chan: Dang. He's good. Anyways, it took too long to get this chapter out. Please review to prevent procrastination. Procrastinators Anonymous unite! Tommorrow.**_

_**Telsa: Farewell until next time readers.**_

_**Tora-chan: Oh no, YOU do not get to close, I do. Later people, please review, or I will send one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people-eaters after you. **_


	5. Barragan: part 2

_Tora-chan: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I've been sooo lazy lately. I meant to update earlier! Disclaiming today is:_

_Justin Bieber: Me! Imma tell you One Time, Baby, i'll make you One Less Lonely Girl._

_Tora-chan: Hell no! April fools?_

_Justin Bieber: I'll Never Say Never!_

_Tora-chan: You just said it, twice._

_Grimmjow: HOLY SHIT! It's him! Die you little bastard!_

_Justin Bieber: I'm gonna take you Down to Earth, let's fight!_

_Grimmjow: You want to fight? You can't even hit puberty!_

_Tora-chan: Ouch._

_Justin Bieber: *hisses* I'll be back- for Somebody to Love. *magically disappears*_

_Tora-chan: Review? I don't own Bleach or Justin Bieber [his soul belongs to the devil~]_

* * *

Three days had passed. Three days that were used for some of Gin's infamous planning. He also had back-up plans, which he had brilliantly named "Rangiku," "Snakes," and "Persimmons."

"Happy birthday Aizen" banners had been hung everywhere. Unfortunately, they had been hung by Tousen, so more than half of them were upside-down.

Before starting his plan, which he had to admit, was pretty brilliant, he decided to give Aizen his gift.

"Aizen-sama~" Gin called. "I 'ave somethin' for youuuuuuuu!"

"Thank you for your generosity Young Brother Gin," Aizen somehow managed to smile without expressing a sense of emotion.

"Open it! Open it! Open it!" Gin called out, somehow making himself seem even creepier.

"Alright," Aizen responded.

"W-what is this?" Aizen asked, confused.

"It's one of them movies," Gin smiled. With that, Gin left a confused Aizen holding a copy of "Never Say Never," wondering what the heck this "Justin Bieber" creature was, and if he would be an asset to his army.

Phase one of Gin's main plan [personally named 'Radical Awesome Plan of Evil', shortened to R.A.P.E.] was about to begin.

He lay in wait for Barragan, humming cheerfully to himself. After some waiting, Barragan appeared, on his way to Aizen's throne room to deliver his gift, a tall statue of Aizen, cut from marble, and carried by Barragan's unfortunate fraccion. As soon as they slipped in, Gin quietly shut and locked the door with a master lock.

As soon as he heard the door click behind him, Barragan ran back to the door, almost knocking his fraccion doing so. The statue slipped from their grip, and made its landing on Charlotte's foot, earning a high-pitched screech from him/her.

"What is this preposterousness?" Barragan yelled, banging his fists on the door.

"I dun't even know what dat means," Gin answered, "But, 'appy April Fools' day!"

"What is going on Gin?" Barragan hissed.

"You cannot stop Operation RAPE!" Gin crowed.

"Operation what?" Barragan asked, horrified.

At this, Aizen rose his head up from his little tea party with Tousen. "We've all known that Gin was disturbed. Obviously, this human so-called "therapist" is not helping," Aizen sighed.

Still deeply disturbed, Barragan just shook his head in the only form of agreement he could muster.

* * *

At the other side of Las Noches, our favorite little hell-demon was unleashing the underworld itself on Barragan's crown. He was definitely glad he had made that trip to the strange little human store "Five Below." Everything there was five dollars or below!

He had purchased spray paint, crayons, glue, markers, stickers, and more. He began super-gluing pictures of unicorns and random pictures of baby animals to Barragan's crown. Then came the paint. Fuchsia pink and pale purple now decorated Barragan's crown. Looking at it for too long could give someone a headache.

Gin had left a large spot in the middle of the crown for his finishing touch. As a young child, Gin had, of course, played with fire, so he was used to it. He produced a pack of matches from his pocket, and lit one. With expert hands, he burnt a simple message that would be impossible for Barragan to ever remove.

* * *

After he was finished, Gin admired his handicraft. An easily read message in the center of Barragan's crown read," _Barragan sucks_," followed by "_Gin wuz here_," underneath it.

He then placed the crown right where he had found it, and put the creepy cover on it that Barragan used. The room was just as it had been when Gin had entered, making him undetectable.

Barragan wouldn't find out what he had done into much, much later.

* * *

Back in Aizen's throne room, Barragan and his fraccion were getting ready to charge the door. Unknown to them, Gin was just coming to unlock the door.

Whistling the theme to _Annie_, Gin swung the door over, causing Barragan and his fraccion to end up headfirst into a wall.

An enraged Barragan rose, making his way towards Gin. "i'm going to murder you..." Barragan threatened.

Grinning as large as ever, Gin shouted, "BARRAGAN BRAWL!" He threw a small little red ball at Barragan. Confused, Barragan picked it up, and jumped when the small ball popped open to reveal a dragon.

"No!" Gin wailed. "He's gonna kill Drago! Preyas! Help Dragonoid!" With that, Gin threw another little ball at Barragan, a blue one this time. "Tigrerra, you too!" A little white and gold ball struck Barragan.

At this point, Gin was pelting Barragan with random Bakugan while screaming out their names. "Attack, Stinglash, Griffon, Centipoid, Hydranoid, Falconeer, Fear Ripper, Skyress, Juggernoid, Gorem, Mantris, Siege, Wavern, Exedra!"

Then, Gin pulled out a huge oversized Bakugan. "Finish this!" he exclaimed, "Behold! Naga!" He chucked it at Barragan, hitting him right in the face. Gin grabbed for his prized Bakugan, picking up most of them, and sprinted away, leaving a trail of Byakugan as he ran.

* * *

It was the next day when Barragan noticed what Gin had done to his crown. He had a complete meltdown at the meeting, screamed, pulled out what few hairs he had left, and had attempted to strangle Gin, but stopped when Gin opened his eyes a little bit and asked, "Are you challenging me to a Bakugan battle?"

Rubbing the bump on his head from Naga's attack, Barragan quickly shook his head. "That's what I thought," Gin smiled. "Now my children," Aizen began. Gin, tired of Aizen's speechs, stood up on top of the table, yelling, "Aizen, I challenge you to a Bakugan battle!"

"What?" Aizen responded. "A challenge of strengths? I accept your challenge young Gin," Aizen responded smoothly.

Gin pulled what seemed to be an endless supply of Bakugan out of his pockets and began mercilessly pelting Aizen.

As Aizen's screams of protest echoed across the room, the espada started leaving. Even Ulquiorra showed no interest in joining the Bakugan battle, muttered about how Bakugan was trash as Aizen screamed for help.

"Wanna order a pizza?" Szayel asked Nnoitra and Grimmjow. "Hell yes," Grimmjow yelled.

* * *

_Tora-chan: Sorry again about not updating sooner. I'm so lazy. I wrote this in one day to put something up, so sorry if it seems rushed. I actually had to look up the names of different Byakugan. I used to be obsessed with Bakugan though, *looks down shamefully*. I have now moved on to better obsessions, anime~_

_Grimmjow: Thank you for reading. Please review and leave comments about my dress cho- HEY! WHY'S THAT ON MY CARD!_

_Tora-chan: April Fools!_

_Grimmjow: What the hell is that? Damn it i'm going to kill you._

_Tora-chan: *pulls out my shock collar remote* ZAP!_

_Grimmjow: OW! Now you have voice-command!_

_Tora-chan: Yep. Gotta love technology. Sayonara!_


	6. Halibel

_**Tora-chan: I am back from the dead! I'm soooooo sorry that I haven't updated in like 2 whole years! I stopped using FanFiction for a while, and never got back to it. So sorry to anyone that was waiting for updates to any of my stories!**_

_**Grimmjow: You should be ashamed of yourself! **_

_**Tora-chan: I know….**_

_**Grimmjow: I bet you probably were gonna forget the disclaimer too!**_

_**Tora-chan: That's your job!**_

_**Grimmjow: Oh yeah…she doesn't own Bleach, cuz if she did, she'd FORGET ABOUT IT FOR TWO YEARS!**_

_**Tora-chan: Sheesh, ya don't need to remind me! Well we're finally (emphasis on finally) moving on to Tia! Hopefully she won't kill Gin or maim him too badly, cuz then we wouldn't be able to finish the story! Here we go…**_

* * *

Things had quieted down after the legendary Bakugan brawl between Gin and Aizen. Everyone had seen that Gin had obviously kicked Aizen's ass, but whenever it was brought up, Aizen claimed that he had used Total Hypnosis, which seemed to be a very commonly used excuse with him. But who would dare accuse the all-mighty godling Aizen? Well, honestly, no one cared enough.

Gin was too busy planning his next vicious and scarring attack…I mean prank to care. Halibel(I prefer this version to Harribel) would be a tricky one. It would be fun to see her usual mask(no pun intended) crack, but if he pushed her too far, Gin was pretty sure that she would maim him, and not in the fun way. She was obviously close to her fraccion, but that front was too unoriginal, Gin decided. He was an artist...kind of. He would, as usual start small.

Conveniently, there was a meeting Gin was already late to that all the Espada would have to attend.

Aizen ignored Gin's late entrance. He has probably still afraid that Gin would pull a Bakugan out of a concealed pocket. Gin took a seat, and Aizen began the usual long, drawn-out, pointless, and random speech. The Espada began their usual staring into space, and listening to everything but what Aizen was saying. Gin managed to catch bits of it here and there. He was busy putting the first operations of his genius plan in action. Hmmm… he would call this one… Operation JAWS! 

"My children…our goal is coming closer…some concerns…destroying my wall…laundry…Kurosaki"

The speech was cut off when Grimmjow snapped out of his daydream and yelled,

"Where? Where's Kurosaki? I wanna fight him, can I go fight him? Where is he? Is he in Las Noches? He's a threat! I'll go take him out!" Grimmjow shot out. He was about to get up when Aizen sighed.

"Grimmjow, calm down. Ichigo Kurosaki is not here. I was simply commenting on the discovery of Isshin Kurosaki's location, Karakura town. It seems to attract quiet an interesting population" He explained.

"Ya can go make-out with Ichigo later Grimmy," Nnoitra sneered.

"Say it again, and I'll pound your face in you overgrown spoon," Grimmjow retorted.

Seeing the fight about to break out, and the total lack in attention, Aizen decided to end the meeting early.

"You are all dismissed." He announced. The Espada began to shuffle out, but before Halibel left, Gin managed to stick him masterpiece on her back without her noticing.

That doesn't mean no one else noticed.

Reactions began right away.

"Do I get a discount baby?" Nnoitra leered at her.

"That's quite the bargain," Grimmjow smirked.

"When I was young, women worked in the kitchen, where they belong, not in the streets," He mumbled on about the "good ole' days."

"Trash." Ulquiorra simply stated.

"It despairs me to see one of my children sink so low. I am disappointed," Aizen sighed.

Halibel had eventually had it, which she expressed.

"What the hell is going on? What are all you freaks talking about!" she yelled, her eyes flashing murderously.

Everyone wordlessly pointed to her back, a little frightened of her. Halibel ripped a piece of paper off her back, and read it. She appeared to look even more murderous, if possible. The paper was simply, just reading: I'm $50 a night, but the memories are priceless. A winking face was included on the bottom.

"Who does this belong to?" she asked, eerily calm.

No one answered, fearing for their lives.

Unfortunately for our favorite evil mastermind, Halibel managed to spot him in the crowd, her eyes narrowing automatically.

"Gin, I have a feeling that you might know where this came from." She maintained the eerie calm.

Gin shrugged, attempting to look innocent, which was especially difficult for a person who never opened their eyes, and had a constant grin plastered to their face.

"I dunno," he smiled, "Mebbe it was Tousen, I think he got a lil thing for ya"

Halibel visibly shuddered at what Gin was implying, but then looked at him suspiciously.

"Tousen is blind, how could he have written this?"

Gin shrugged again.

"Maybe he had Wonderweiss do it?"

"Really, Wonderweiss? He can't even talk."

"Maybe he's secretly a genius."

Halibel decided that she wasn't going to win this one, and heading to her room, muttering detailed accounts of what she would do to this person just loud enough for everyone to here.

Gin had to admit that the girl was creative, even he wouldn't have come up with making a person eat their own zanpakuto.

Gin had gotten a new inspiration, and he spent the next few hours writing on some frilly stationary, which he had gotten from Yammy. He wasn't going to ask where it came from…he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know.

After his spectacular, gorgeous, brilliant (he had to admit, he really had outdone himself) masterpiece was finished, Gin let out an evil laugh.

The paper read:

_Dear Tousen(may I call you Kaname?), I can no longer contain my emotions. My love for you is as beautiful as a flower, and as powerful as a coursing river. I have been hiding my true feelings for a while, but I can't hold it in anymore. Every second without out you is torture. I want to enforce justice with you for all eternity. Be mine. Love, Tia Halibel._

It was, simply put, perfect. Gin placed it where he was sure Tousen would find it, in the folder labeled: IMPORTANT JUSTICEEEEEEEEE! Tousen took this folder everywhere…and people called Gin weird. He didn't know how Tousen would manage to read it, but Gin was sure he'd find a way.

Gin returned to his room, and fell asleep smiling(as usual), anticipating the chaos that would occur the next day. (It was an after dinner meeting, so it's already night time, though it's always night in Las Noches…)

It went even better than expected. Tousen appeared to have no tact, and gave his feedback in front of everyone when they were gathered for breakfast.

"Halibel-chan, while I am flattered, I'm afraid that I am in a faithful relationship with justice, and therefore cannot encourage your advances," He droned.

"I…what? Advances? Flattered? Did you just call me Halibel-chan?" Her mood drastically changed from confused to angry AND confused, a combination Gin preferred.

"You must be embarrassed," Tousen explained, "I read the note you left for me"

Halibel just looked even more confused.

"Note?" she asked, extremely perplexed. Tousen appeared to feel that he had accomplished what he had came for and left.

"I have justice to do," He explained, even though no one cared.

An awkward silence lapsed, until Ulquiorra spit out what everyone was wondering.

"He can read?"

* * *

_**Tora-chan: I'm not doing 2 chapter for this one, cuz it's pretty much done, and I have some evil plans for Ulqui! Hehe, that will be next chapter!**_

_**Szayel: why am I here, I was dissecting a very curious specimen!**_

_**Tora-chan: *glares* Do your job pinky!**_

_**Szayel: Whatever gets me back to my lab. Please review, or I will conduct my next experiment on you.**_

_**Tora-chan: That leaves a lot to imagination… but an experiment with Szayel is always painful, so review! Love you all!**_


	7. Ulquiorra: part 1

_**Tora-chan: Sorry to keep you waiting, here's the next chapter! Disclaiming will be…(drumroll) Senna!**_

_**Senna: Tora-chan doesn't own Bleach, cuz if she did, I would be in the world of the living with Ichigo**_

_**Tora-chan: Very true. Well, let's begin Ulqui's torture! Hehe please review!**_

* * *

This would arguably be Gin's greatest success, depending on whether or not he would be able to recruit a few of the Espada. Choosing his recruits was a separate process of its own. Gin wasn't about to include just anyone in his brilliant schemes. They would have to be cool enough for him to be seen with.

Gin went through his possible candidates in his notebook.

Starrk: would be too busy sleeping

Barragan: yeah right

Halibel: I think she's catching on to me…

Ulquiorra: obviously not

Nnoitra: possibly

Grimmjow: perfect!

Zommari: he's too weird

Szayel: could be useful

Aaroniero: ewwwwww

Yammy: he'd eat everything

It was decided.

Gin would enlist the help of Nnoitra, Grimmjow, and Szayel.

* * *

Gin sent a random arrancar he came across to gather the three.

"Why are we here?" Szayel was the first to speak up.

Gin smiled evilly before reaching into his pockets.

The three Espada immediately dropped to the floor, thinking that Gin was going to pull out a bomb or something.

What he actually pulled out were three walkie-talkies, one for each Espada.

Said Espada suspiciously rose from the floor and eyed the devices.

"What the hell is this?" Grimmjow asked.

"Dese are from da worl of da livin" Gin responded cheerfully. "Dere called walkie-talkies. Ya can talk through um."

"And why are you giving us these?" Szayel questioned.

Gin smiled more sinisterly than usual (if it is possible), and filled the three Espada in on his plan.

Phase One complete.

* * *

"Come in Mantis," Gin whispered into his device.

"Can we please change our codenames?" Nnoitra pleaded.

"There's nothin wrong wit um," Gin protested, "Pinky, Mantis, and Nyan Cat are perfect code names!"

"But you get to be Silver Fox! That actually sounds cool!" Nnoitra complained.

"Silence Mantis! Phase 2 is gon start soon. Get inta position at da signal!" Gin interrupted.

"Yes Silver Fox," he replied dejectedly.

The real fun was about to begin.

The signal was actually Gin whistling. As lame as it sounds, it was actually effective. As soon as Ulquiorra and Aizen were both in range, Gin let off the signal. Right away, Szayel, Grimmjow, and Nnoitra (aka Pinky, Nyan Cat, and Mantis) were blocking exits.

"Ulquiorra-kun!" Gin greeted cheerfully. "I got a lil somethin for ya!"

"I am not interested Ichimaru." The cold, stoic Espada replied.

"But 5 in 6 doctors recommend it!" Gin exclaimed.

"That does sound quite official," Aizen felt the need to butt in.

At this point, Ulquiorra was scanning the room for possible means of an escape.

However, Nnoitra, Grimmjow, and Szayel were conveniently blocking all exits.

Taking in the hopelessness of his situation, Ulquiorra decided to get it over with.

"What is it," he almost growled.

"Anti-depressants!" Gin cheerfully shared. "To be taken once a day!" he read off the box.

Ulquiorra simply glared, unable to find words to express his deep hatred for the man in front of him.

"How thoughtful of you Gin," Aizen smiled obliviously. "Ulquiorra can take one every day during breakfast!"

If possible, Ulquiorra's glare became more hate-filled. He shot one more withering glance at Gin before pushing past Grimmjow, and retreating to his room.

"Phase One complete!" Grimmjow pretty much yelled into his walkie-talkie.

Everyone else jumped.

"We're right next to each other you moron," Szayel hissed at Grimmjow.

"Dumbass," Nnoitra snickered.

"Oh right," he muttered sheepishly.

Sometimes, Gin wondered why he had chosen these three. Then he remembered, because he was a genius, duh.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Ulquiorra was especially uptight. He had clearly not forgotten about the "anti-depressants" he was going to be forced to take.

Gin smiled extra creepily over at him, seeing the Cuatro's obvious discomfort.

Breakfast was almost over, and Ulquiorra was starting to hope that maybe Aizen had forgotten, and Gin was just being his usual creepy self.

That hope was squashed like a little bug.

"Ulquiorra, come take your medication," Aizen failed at whispering.

Ulquiorra got some looks, mainly from Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Szayel, and possibly Tousen (Tousen's glance was directed in the wrong direction, but hey, the guy's blind). The rest of the Espada didn't really care.

While he was glad to have avoided extra attention, Ulquiorra still didn't want anything to do with some Gin had brought for him, especially this so-called "medicine."

However, as Gin had predicted, Ulquiorra wouldn't dare to refuse an order from his precious Aizen-sama. It was kind of sad. Ulquiorra was like Aizen's pet dog… well, he was more like a pet bat.

Therefore, Gin wasn't surprised at all when after gracing Gin with one of his more hostile glares (well, they all were hostile, but this one was extra hostile), he grimaced at the pills that Aizen was holding out, then swallowed them.

"They should take effect in 30 minutes!" Aizen announced.

Ulquiorra shuddered. 30 more minutes before something bad would happen to him. He was sure of it.

Just as Ulquiorra predicted, in 30 minutes, something bad did happen to him. For everyone else, it was just plain old weird.

* * *

_**Tora-chan: Sorry this took so long! I get lazy when I don't get lots and lots of reviews (hint hint). Just kidding, I was just being a procrastinator. **_

_**Ulquiorra: I hate you**_

_**Tora-chan: Isn't he sweet? That's his special way of telling me that he loves me and can't wait for the second part of his torture- I mean fun!**_

_**Ulquiorra: …**_

_**Tora-chan: hehe well I'll try to update quicker. Reviewers, remind me! Bye bye!**_


	8. Ulquiorra: part 2

_**Tora-chan: Okay, no procrastination! I can do it! Once again, some reviews wouldn't hurt…**_

_**Thor: This human does not possess Bleach or Marvel, or any of the many references made.**_

_**Tora-chan: hehe I love the Avengers! Especially Thor, Loki, Hawkeye… and Iron Man… and Captain America… and the Black Widow… oh, and the Hulk! Well, I'll get back to Bleach now!**_

* * *

Gin concluded that 30 minutes moved very slowly, looking up at the clock again for at least the twentieth time. 15 minutes left.

On the other hand, Ulquiorra had concluded that 30 minutes moved very fast, too fast.

Ulquiorra was already starting to feel weird. He couldn't describe it, he just felt different somehow.

He watched the clock move forward with dread.

15 min.

14 min.

13 min.

12 min…

9 min…

6 min.

5 min…

3 min.

2 min.

1 min…

Ulquiorra suddenly stood up. What was he so nervous about? He felt great. No, he felt wonderful!

Ulquiorra decided he would share this newfound happiness with the other Espada.

He was also feeling generous.

* * *

When 30 minutes had finally passed, Gin went to view his masterpiece.

He did not expect said masterpiece to glomp him in the hallway. 

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii Gin-chan!" Ulquiorra squealed in a voice that sent shivers through Gin.

Gin attempted to remove the Cuarto Espada from him, but he was holding on pretty tight.

"I wanna do something funnnnn! Wanna come? Wanna come?" Ulquiorra continued to squeal.

"Sure!" Gin answered, hiding his shock. He pulled a camera out of one of his many pockets (who knows when you'll need a camera for blackmail). "Let's go."

Their first victim was Nnoitra (codename Mantis, but don't tell!). As one of Gin's secret agents, which were temporarily disbanded) he had been told some of Gin's plan, but he hadn't expected… well… this.

"Nnoit-chan!" Ulquiorra chirped cheerfully. "Come have some fun! It will be fun!"

"Ummm… I'm afraid I'll have to refuse your offer," Nnoitra tried to get away.

"I refuse your refusal!" Ulquiorra simply responded. (One Piece anybody?)

"But-"Nnoitra started. He didn't finish his sentence because Ulquiorra had already grabbed his arm and dragged him along.

Their crusade paused when the trio ran into Zommari.

"Greeting friends, would you like to join me on my quest to steal all my pumpkin brethren from the clutches of the human?" Zommari asked.

An awkward silence was born as everyone, including Ulquiorra, stared at the eccentric Espada.

This silence was interrupted when Ulquiorra replied, "Your quest isn't as cool as our quest for fun. Pumpkins are stupid."

Zommari let out an offended gasp. "Well then. I'll have you know that pumpkins are an ancient and noble family that are respected, and have been respected for centuries. My great-uncle Sir Pumpkinius sat in the dwellings of the great Napoleon!" 

At this point, Zommari realized that his audience had already fled.

He shrugged to himself, and went to share his "wisdom" with others.

"Did you know that my great-nephew twice removed…" He began to an unfortunate fraccion.

* * *

Elsewhere in Hueco Mundo, Ulquiorra and his mainly unwilling companions had run into Barragan. Literally.

"Watch where you are going scum!" Barragan hissed. "Have you no respect for royalty?"

Ulquiorra already wide eyes got wider.

"Are you like a queen?"

Barragan's eyes narrowed. "What would give you that idea?"

"You said that you're royalty, so you must be a queen. Or a princess. Duhhh." Ulquiorra defended himself with solid logic.

"What?" That was all Barragan could respond with.

"Well bye bye your majesty, your prince will come for you!" Ulquiorra waved goodbye with a sing-song voice.

They were gone so quickly that Barragan was unsure if he had just been hallucinating. Ulquiorra definitely didn't act like that. Well when hell froze over… wait, wasn't Hueco Mundo technically hell? Barragan looked around. He didn't see any ice…

Szayel was the next to run into the questers. As expected, well expected to Gin and Nnoitra, Ulquiorra started babbling about their quest for fun. Szayel glanced at Ulquiorra, then turned to Gin and asked, "Can I experiment on him?"

"No Pinky!" Gin yelled. With Nnoitra and Ulquiorra, he fled away from the mad scientist.

"That was close" Nnoitra muttered.

The two sighed, then panicked. Where was Ulquiorra? 

They frantically began running all around Las Noches, searching for the hyper-active Espada. The two were almost at full-blown panic mode when they heard familiar words.

"Wanna join my quest for fun?" They heard Ulquiorra ask.

"Uhhh what?" The recognizable voice of the Sexta Espada responded.

"He's with Nyan Cat!" Gin shouted to Nnoitra.

"Who?" Nnoitra asked.

"Grimmjow, duh." Gin rolled his eyes (without opening them of course).

When they arrived at the Sexta's room, it appeared that Ulquiorra had gained another quest member. He dragged Grimmjow out of his room.

"Oh, there you guys are" he greeted Nnoitra and Gin.

They had just started walking again, when Aizen started walking towards them.

"Shit," Gin muttered under his breath.

Aizen approached with his usual condescending smile.

"Ahh, Ulquiorra," he began. He never finished his thought, because Ulquiorra interrupted him with his cheerful banter,

"Hey Aizen-chan! I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend (hehe Link/Xanadir/ Drawn Together?)- I mean for fun! Join us! I like your curl. Why do you only have one?" Ulquiorra babbled.

Aizen's normal placid expression melted off into one of horror.

"Demon!" he shouted. "Kill it, kill it with fire!"

Aizen somehow managed to pull a flaming torch out of his robes and began to chase Ulquiorra with it.

Ulquiorra of course giggled, "Let's play tag! You're it!"

This demented version of tag continued to Ulquiorra's room, where Aizen made the biggest mistake of his life, which was pretty big, because the guy made a lot of mistakes (ex. Trusting Gin, underestimating Ichigo, breaking his glasses, choosing to style his hair how he did, well you get the point).

While waving his torch around, he set fire to Ulquiorra's most prized possession. 

Mr. Bat.

Now what is Mr. Bat, you may ask? Mr. Bat is something that even Gin didn't dare to include in his schemes.

He is at a terrifying height of 9 in, and was hand-sewn in the deepest, darkest pits of Uzbekistan. 

Basically, he's a plushie bat. One that Ulquiorra was unfathomably attached to. 

And right now, he was burning into a pile of ash.

At the sight of his beloved Mr. Bat's untimely demise, Ulquiorra began sobbing hysterically, and attacked Aizen, leaping on to his head and ripping out his hair.

"Get it off, get it off!" Aizen squealed like a little girl.

"Murder! Murder!" Ulquiorra screamed bloody murder.

Gin, Grimmjow, and Nnoitra managed to remove Ulquiorra from Aizen's head with only a few scratches here and there.

Ulquiorra continued hysterically sobbing, until Grimmjow awkwardly shuffled over to him. 

"There there" he muttered, patting Ulquiorra's back, who in return, latched himself to the Sexta. 

Before Grimmjow could react, Ulquiorra had fallen asleep, therefore trapping Grimmjow until he woke up. 

"You got this all on camera, right?" Nnoitra asked Gin.

Gin smiled evilly. "Of course."

"I'm thinking Espada Movie Night tomorrow?" Nnoitra schemed.

"I like how you think Mantis," Gin approved.

"Uhh guys, a little help?" a forgotten Grimmjow called out. 

"Hey wanna go on a random and unnecessary visit to the Human World?" Nnoitra asked Gin.

"Sounds perfect!" Gin agreed. 

"Wait! Guys, you aren't seriously going to leave me like this, right? GUYS!" Grimmjow yelled to no avail.

"Damn you all," he growled.

* * *

_**Tora-chan: Whoaaaaa, I wrote this super quick! Fastest update ever! Yay me for writing this a day after my last update.**_

_**Loki: What an insignificant achievement foolish human.**_

_**Tora-chan: *fangirl shriek* LOKIIII! Why don't you say hi to all the nice readers?**_

_**Loki: I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose!**_

_**Tora-chan: Hehe that never gets old! Well, I'll try to make the next update quick too, so review or face Loki's Chitauri army. Peace out girl scout!**_


End file.
